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Okay, Barbara, where we gonna go next?

Well, I don’t know where we should go, I thought you had some stuff to do.

Yeah, well, let’s stop here for a sec and figure this out. You have to pick up new school clothes at the plus-size store for Sarah, and I gotta pick up a new little league jersey for Ray at the plus-size kid’s sports store. So I’ll go down that way and you go down that way, and we’ll meet back here.

Wow. These people behind us are really pushy. Mall people. Jeez.

Dude, I’m so high right now. I’m so high! Dude, I smoked like… uh… what?

Oh, yeah. Dude. I’m so high. I had this fattie and I so smoked it. And then Troy was like, “Dude. you totally smoked that whole thing” and I was like, “Dude!”

Dude.

You want some of this? It’s my new recipe, and dude, it is so awesome. I can’t believe I never thought of this before. I had, like, spaghetti noodles, but I was like, “Dude, there’s so no sauce here.” But we had, like, Ranch dressing. So I put it on there, and it’s totally perfect together. I call it “White Spaghetti.” Dude, you gotta try it. C’mon, dude; stop throwing up and eat some of this. Fine, dude, I’ll just set it down in the corner here where I can forget about it for about a week and a half, is that cool?

Hey, hey, HEY…

What the hell you think you doin’? You can’t just pick me up and start squeezin’ me all over your turkey sammich! Jeez. I’m mustard, not ketchup, ya dumb f*ck.

Oh, you think ’cause I’m not that fancy Deli shit you can treat me like a Jersey chick? C’mon. Have a little class.

You gotta pick me up nice, pick yer spot, y’know? Appreciate my mouth-waterin’ flavors ‘n stuff. I may be a condiment, but I got feelings, yeah? Gotta be careful with me, otherwise I’m gonna piss that watery shit all over your bread on the first squeeze.

Just kidding. I’m gonna do that anyway.