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Squeezy Mustard

16. Aug, 2006 5 Comments

Yellow MustardHey, hey, HEY…

What the hell you think you doin’? You can’t just pick me up and start squeezin’ me all over your turkey sammich! Jeez. I’m mustard, not ketchup, ya dumb f*ck.

Oh, you think ’cause I’m not that fancy Deli shit you can treat me like a Jersey chick? C’mon. Have a little class.

You gotta pick me up nice, pick yer spot, y’know? Appreciate my mouth-waterin’ flavors ‘n stuff. I may be a condiment, but I got feelings, yeah? Gotta be careful with me, otherwise I’m gonna piss that watery shit all over your bread on the first squeeze.

Just kidding. I’m gonna do that anyway.

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Monologues

5 Responses to “Squeezy Mustard”

  1. Dana Reply 16. Aug, 2007 at 7:14 pm

    Dearborn Mustard? Where I come from, dearborn is a trailor trash town worse than the armpit of america. I wouldn’t be surprised if that is where that mustard was made. plus there are party store deli’s all over the place. go figure.

  2. Dana Reply 16. Aug, 2007 at 7:15 pm

    oh, btw, good to see your blogging again. we missed you.

  3. Smivey Reply 17. Aug, 2007 at 12:57 am

    Ha! Pissing all over your sandwich? That’s nothing. Please excuse my blatant self-promotion. http://www.smiveysucks.com/archives/233

  4. Phi Reply 10. Sep, 2007 at 12:00 pm

    here too.

  5. Pip Reply 01. Oct, 2007 at 1:50 am

    All these comments, and none of you have had the common decency to point out how badly this post sucked.

    Friends don’t let friends post crap.