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My house is absolutely crawling with mysterious creatures. As I lay in bed at night, I hear them scratching at the door. They’re nocturnal, and I’m fairly sure they’re mammalian. While these creatures have not, as yet, posed imminent threat to my life, they have ravished my apartment; I find evidence of their violence in the form of shredded clothing, torn upholstery, and the general strewing about of my belongings.

No, I’m not crazy; I have cats. But then again, is there a difference?

Ha!  A second lolcat.  I’m on a roll now.

 

I have officially created my first lolcat. Don’t know what a lolcat is? Neither did I.

Dear Chloe & Toby,

I know that you do not know your own names; in fact, you may know yourselves better as “Holy Shit” and “You Little Bastard,” respectively. Chloe & Toby are the names I gave you upon adoption, however – the ones you cheerfully ignore on a daily basis.

There are a few matters that I would like to discuss with you, without the use of the spray bottle. Apparently, tapwater has corrosive properties when applied to cats, which may make it an effective tool for expressing anger, but not productive for a civil conversation.