Oh, yeah. Dude. I’m so high. I had this fattie and I so smoked it. And then Troy was like, “Dude. you totally smoked that whole thing” and I was like, “Dude!”

Dude.

You want some of this? It’s my new recipe, and dude, it is so awesome. I can’t believe I never thought of this before. I had, like, spaghetti noodles, but I was like, “Dude, there’s so no sauce here.” But we had, like, Ranch dressing. So I put it on there, and it’s totally perfect together. I call it “White Spaghetti.” Dude, you gotta try it. C’mon, dude; stop throwing up and eat some of this. Fine, dude, I’ll just set it down in the corner here where I can forget about it for about a week and a half, is that cool?

I was trying to watch your Usual Suspects DVD, but dude, it was stuck on this one scene. Just kept showing all those dudes standing in a line, and like looping the same music over and over again. Dude, I was tripping balls. It had, like, all these words on the screen like “Play Movie” and “Selected Scenes” and shit? I think the DVD player’s broken, dude. So I took it out and tried to use my lighter to, you know, like burn all the dirt off and stuff. And it made this like really cool pattern on the shiny part; it was so awesome. So I went through your whole DVD collection and did, like, art, on them or something.

Dude, look at your cat! He’s like so high right now. I tried to get him to smoke this with me, but I couldn’t like get him to stick the end in his little kitty mouth – I think he’s like retarded or something – so I just blew in his face until he was so high. Dude, he’s been tripping over stuff for like the last half-hour. His eyes are so bloodshot! It was so funny, dude – every time I blew this in his face he like totally went over to the pile of your laundry and peed on it. Totally! I did it like six or seven times, and he just kept peeing on it! So funny, dude.

Hey, I know it’s like 2 a.m., but do you happen to be going to that White Castle in Queens? Could you get me something?