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Because the world doesn’t have enough screwed-up kids.

Dear Latest Paparazzi Distraction,

Congratulations on winning the “Angelina Jolie Third-World Child Adoption” sweepstakes. You will now be treated to the life of a normal American child…

Except that your mother will never be home, you’ll have more money than God, and your every footfall will be recorded by the media for the viewing entertainment of about 3 billion people.  But other than that, completely normal.